Are you querying agents? Have you received requests for a partial or, even better, full manuscript? First off, yay for you! Celebrate this success, as not every query letter or story premise is strong enough to receive a request for more. But, let’s say you’re one of the lucky ones and an agent is (or several are) reading your material right now. What do you do? How do you handle the “Requested Material Waiting Game”?
Here are some suggestions:
-Check your e-mail and voice mail messages every 30 seconds.
-Watch the agent’s Twitter and Facebook feeds to see if she’s talking about how great your book is—or how excited she is to represent you.
-Get chatty with the agent online. Maybe she’ll like you and want to represent you based off your new friendship.
-Send the agent poetry, perfume, flowers, chocolates, and wine. Show her what a good client you can be.
-Find out if she has a pet and send the pet gifts. Hey, if Fluffy likes you, her owner will, too, right?
-Tell all other agents with your query not to bother reading it, because you know this agent is going to offer to represent you.
-Stalk the agent’s clients and tell them how excited you are that you’ll be on their “team” very soon.
-Tell bookstore managers and everyone who works at the store that you’re a soon-to-be famous author and deserve respect and special treatment.
-Contact the big New York publishers and let them know that soon they’ll have to deal with (name agent) on your behalf, and they’d better get ready to be blown away. Yeah. Your book is that amazing.
-Stare out the window and dream about what you’ll do with all the money you’ll earn and how famous you’ll become.
-Set up a booth at a local restaurant and sign your autograph on paper napkins. Hey, they’ll be worth something. Eventually.
-Sign every book you own and put them on eBay with a starting price of $1,000 each. Your name means something now.
Okay, enough kidding around. If you do any of the above-mentioned suggestions, you’ll be committing career suicide, or someone might have you institutionalized. If you want to know how you should really handle yourself during this trying time, stop by next week, and I’ll tell you.